Before He Cheats...

I'm sooo not in the mood to blog about serious stuff so I'd rather enjoy watching this cutie..

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A Movie A Day..

Our account, a famous bank in the US was acquired by another financial industry giant and so with the conversion comes chaos. You wouldn't want to be in the office. It's the next best thing to a marketplace. Except that the people are dressed to the nines with clients floorwalking. The past few days had been exhausting for me basically because I hate that we're required to wear a closed shoe with a minimum of 1 inch heels. Can you believe that?! We're not even allowed to wear a skirt that would show our knees. Not that I'd wear a skirt. Sigh.

Anyway, about the title.. I've been bugging Ryan non-stop to keep me sane by spending every free time he have with me. We watched The Yes Man, Confessions of a Shopaholic and Push the last 3 days. He won first prize in a company initiated activity, Rubik's cube challenge so the 3K he won made up for the money we spent eating at about anywhere and watching whatever movie with a good title and poster.

It's already 10pm and my shift started 3 minutes ago but I don't feel like going back inside the office and be held up for a real-time escalation. I know, I'm paid to do that but my feet is killing me and I'd rather stay in my workstation re-reading non-sense emails! Hahahaha! Anyway, gotta go..

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Awesome YouTube!

Some videos just make my day. Watch and agree (click on it to see the rest)..

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Tired..

I'm freaking tired! I don't really know what I have been doing to feel this tired. I should feel relaxed after the two days in Bohol with Ryan and the certification of my last batch. I'm guessing this has something to do with FictionPress, hahahaha! See, while I was still with TRON, with so much petiks time in our hands, we read random stories in FP. Some of which are stories written by our friends. Getting Malcolm happens to be one of my fave but had been unupdated for the past year. The author used to be an officemate in PS and we were out of touch for quite sometime (while I was silently hoping she'd update --- like Ryan's Sick With Lack OF Basis, nagpa dungog2x ko Ryan..). Then I realized she's also in ePerformax, thus my constant pangulit to her. Finally, she updated last week after taking a few days of leave and I had to re-read everything. So sitting in front of the PC the whole shift yesterday was probably what made me really2x tired. Good thing , the last batch I handled certified out of ABay so I had to let them go.. (except for a few who unfortunately had to be the subject of my practice at being heartless since the coach I was paired up with, said I need to learn how to be straightforward in telling a trainee that we have to drop him/her). Tonight will be the start of OJT for my new batch. I'm not as excited as most gays on the floor though. There were about, hmmm let's see, 3-4 cuties in this batch. But I have yet to hear them talk..

I still want to blog about something else but the temperature in this room's killing me! I gotta go, I'm sweating like a pig!

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Rin On The Rox!

It's been boring the last few days. Well, except for the big ITR I got, hehehehe.Ü Yesterday was my li'l bro, Reymart and my bf's grandma, Manet's birthday. Though it's sad to have not spent another birthday of one of my siblings, my bf's family never failed to make me feel I belong.

Ryan showed me a video yesterday of yet another YouTube Sensation, Rin On The Rox. I listened to almost all their versions and I have to admit, they're really2x good. After reading some comments, I learned Rin's for Erin (who looks like Isay Alvarez) and Rox is for Roxanne (who looks like Angel Locsin). According to their YouTube profile --> Nationality? Yes, we both are Filipino, but as for Roxanne shes half Filipino and White... =)

Can't wait for their guesting in Ellen. Check 'em out!

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Tip Roñes!

It's the time of the year again when Cebu celebrates Sinulog. Sinulog.ph: The Sinulog festival is one of the grandest and most colorful festivals in the Philippines. The main festival is held each year on the third Sunday of January in Cebu City to honor the Santo Niño, or the child Jesus, who used to be the patron saint of the whole province of Cebu (since in the Catholic faith Jesus is not a saint, but God). It is essentially a dance ritual which remembers the Filipino people’s pagan past and their acceptance of Christianity.

Luckily, I was given additional offs so I can to enjoy the celebration. Joedel, a friend from childhood came here for the festivities with his family and we hang out last night at IT Park. My previous team planned something for later so I'm up early to meet some of them in the office. Ryan and some of his friends from work are playing Dota and out of boredom, I decided I'd blog even if I don't know what to blog, hehehehe.Ü Damn this internet cafe, everything in this computer screams Korean. I'm relying in my familiarity with the icons and position of links to figure out what to click.

If you haven't seen The Curios Case of Benjamin Button yet, I suggest you do. The movie has an unusual plot and I loved the story. The only thing I didn't like about the movie is the fact that the most part of it was focussed on Button's old age. I was silently cursing and hoping I'd get to see what happens when he gets to his teenage years while Daisy's tits are already sagging. The movie made me see how this text message from a friend would look and feel like if it comes true.. "Wouldn't it make more sense if the life cycle were backwards? We should die first, get it out of the way. Then live with the wisdom of old age. Go to work. Work 40 years 'til we're young enough to enjoy our retirement. Booze, get laid, party. Get ready for highschool, then off to grade school, become a kid, play and have no worries. Become a little baby, go back into the womb, spend the last 9 months floating and finish off as an orgasm. Perfect ending right? It was just weird and freaky to see an old man having an attraction with a little girl and seeing an old lady bathing a child she used to fuck, hehehehe..Ü

I found a few things yesterday while I was surfing the net at Ryan's place. One of which is the article Kolgirl which was published by Inquirer. It's an article about the call center lifestyle and I can't agree more with what the author said. Read it HERE. These videos on the other hand made me laugh like crazy. Hope you enjoy it and PIT SEñOR EVERYBODY!!!

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It's Here Again

American Idol. Woohoo!!! I promised myself I'm not gonna blog as much as I did for season 7. And I think that's what's gonna happen since I haven't gotten myself a new TV. My RD for now is Tue-Wed so that gives me the chance to watch it since I spend my off here's at Ryan's place. I dunno next week. I want to see every episode like last season. Like I didn't miss one episode and I annoyed the hell out of some people for blogging like crazy, hahahahaha! Don't worry, that's not gonna happen this time. Ü

There's a new addition to the AI family. Singer/songwriter Kara DioGuardi as the fourth judge. Heard and seen her only once and I thought it was Katharine McPhee. I was looking for the YouTube video of Lost by Faith Hill and I saw her own rendition since she co-wrote it. I like her style and her voice. I didn't know she's gonna be big. Good for her. She's pretty.

Just when I thought social networking is dead, I'm bombarded with Facebook notifications. I registered about a year ago and recently, my inbox had been flooded with updates. I noticed some of my friends' Friendster profile are unupdated but their Facebook are up-to-date. Should I permanently move? We'll see.

Ryan tried blogging. And this is what he had for a start ---> my friends and i are still friends, but they don't want me to be here, so all i can say is "It's Here Again". He typed this while I was in the restroom. I wanted him to try blogging but now I think he's better off playing his war games. Hahahaha!

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Lately..

It's a boring Wednesday morning. It's my off and I have my period. Yet another frustrating false alarm after not having my period for the whole month of December. Ryan and I woke up earlier at around 5am. We had breakfast of pancit canton and torta, with hot coffee and bahaw. Yesterday, I had allergies but I just slept it off because Ryan refused to come with me to the hospital 'coz he was too tired. What an ass! We celebrated our anniversary last January 2 and he dropped by the office and asked me to have lunch with him at a resto in Banilad just across the resto where we had our first "date" back in 2004. It was a simple yet sweet celebration. More to come (I hope!).

Office. Hmmm.. I had been handling my aBay class for the last two weeks and I'm really enjoying myself. I miss my previous team but most of the time they occupy the pod next to my team so it feels like nothing's changed. I like the fact that I'm handling newbies. Still scared and obedient, hehehehe.Ü I even have one agent who'd basically shake and stutter when she sees me with my clipboard and y-cord. But that for me is the challenge of the position. To teach and make them improve and in the process take out their inhibitions and develop confidence.

American Idol is almost here so that means I really have to get a TV within this week. The TV I previously used was part of the room that I rented in Mabolo. Hope the sweldo this coming Friday is bigger than the usual.

I was able to successfully upload all the pictures of Team Nebo's christmas party in Regency Crest last December 28. HERE's the link to the compiled pictures from mine, Borgie and Soc's cam.

I don't know what else to blog about.

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Cleaning Up

In about 6 hours we'll start a new year and I'm cleaning up my files. So yes, I'm gonna flood your inbox, hehehehe.. I'm spending new year with Ryan and his family. They're all outside getting ready for videoke and I'm alone eating spaghetti thinking of my family. But now's not the time to be melodramatic. Langga and I will be celebrating our anniversary in two days so that's something to look forward to. Here's a pic he edited, ahihhihihi.. Me like it!

I don't know what to write anymore so lemme just greet y'all..

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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Me? Maldita?

God! I'm sooo sleepy. Today's supposedly my rest day but because of the swap for my new year off, I have to come in to work at 12mn. And I got a call from OPS informing me that starting tomorrow, I'll be coming in at 1am. So that means I'll handle my first official A-Bay team. I'm excited and scared at the same time. We'll see.

I hate Ryan! We both agreed I'll come here at their house despite the fact that I'll be working later and I will not sleep but he'll keep me company because even after several years of sleeping over, I'm still a li'l shy when his parents are here. They stay in Bohol. But he left with his dad and brothers to get more car stuff and he hasn't been home since 4-5pm. Ugh. I'm sooo sleepy but I don't wanna sleep. Because he's not here yet. But he remembered the wallet I wanted to buy and gave it to me as a christmas gift while I didn't get one for him, hahahaha! Wait! I think that's the car. Gotta go.

By the way, I had to smile at Ann's (our CARE trainer) blog. I didn't know I come across as maldita, hehehehe..Ü

On a lighter note, I had CARE Training for Team Soc and believe me, they made a very big difference. I was broken the whole time I was training them because I was still bothered about me and "S". Yet thanks to my trainees (Yuan, Sharpey, Elaine, Rhiza to name a few) who made the whole experience worthwhile. I had diversion and all I had to do was laugh all the heartaches out. I was also thankful because my impression people changed. Like Clau, I've always seen her as sooooo "maldita." Detestable! Difficult! Who would look at you with her glaring stare and you'ld melt and die that instant. In truth, she is really one hell of a personality but I realized, she's just more like me and we somehow think a like. And I figured, we can really be good friends. :) It made me realize that the saying "first impressions NEVER last" holds true. What you perceive of people doesnt have to be their reality. It takes a lifetime to fathom the unknown. Like one of the Johari Quadrants, we have a FACADE and oftentimes, this is misinterpreted. :)

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Shit Happens..

While moms are frantic about what they're cooking.. While dads are busy thinking about what liquors they should get.. And while children are pre-occupied about their fingers being still complete by new year.. I, on the otherhand, for not being able to go back to sleep (thanks to my stupid college teacher who made me laugh like there's no tomorrow with his texts) just deliberated whether I should wear red or black. I decided on the latter. It's a dark day anyway for me and my family who bombarded me with text messages earlier today asking me to at least try and come home for new year. While I was able to negotiate a swap with an Ilonggo fellow officer to have a new year off instead of christmas (thanks to those who had it approved in less than an hour!), cringe at the thought of squeezing in a non-aircon bus for an 8-hour travel.

I cried myself to sleep earlier for two reason. First, one of my previous agent was advised to resign (or terminated, I'm not quite sure what happened after I logged out) and I felt responsible for it. God knows I was not thinking of filing an incident report. I don't want to go into details though. I felt really bad for somebody losing his job a day before christmas. But rules are rules and unfortunately, I'm in a position where I sometimes have to be insensitive to make sure these rules are followed. Sigh. Shit happens.. Even on christmas..

Second, I terribly miss my family and it sucks to be away from home during the holidays. Worse, I'll be working. It's almost 8.30pm and I'll login at 10pm. I decided to be early 'coz being alone in my room makes me want to get a knife and slash my wrist.
But wait, there's more! I got a free ride on my way here. I hailed a habal2x and even demanded angrily to drop me in front of McDonald's when the driver said he can't. I wished the ground swallowed me whole when he said when I was about to pay, "cge lang, wala man ko namasahero, maayong pasko.." Unsa ka liki! Ulaw to the highest level!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

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Score!

While I was with GR, I was earning more than what most people at the age of 25 do. When the company closed, I had to go back to the call center industry and settle for a lower (way lower) pay. I told myself I'll get a promotion within my first 6 months in the company but I never thought of it as a realistic goal. I was taking my break about 2 weeks ago and chanced upon two coaches and they presented me with a proposition. A recommendation actually. The thought of going up against a tenured QA for a new position was intimidating but the offer was too hard to resist. After a couple of days of deep thinking and asking around, I decided I'd apply. I had to do a demo and go thru a panel interview with the bosses but with the support from 99% of the management team, my confidence was secured and so I think I nailed the interview. Last December 16 (my rest day), despite the dropping of hints and assurance from a lot of people that I'd get the position (and threat that they'd kill me if I don't), I was still surprised to get a phone call at 6.30am from one of the coaches saying my promotion was announced and the office errupted with cheers. As to why people were extremely pleased with my promotion, I'd rather not say or I might get in trouble, hehehehe.Ü But anyway, I'm happy. I'm now an Academy Bay QA. Yes, still a QA but I'll be handling agents during their nesting period as what it's called in most contact centers. So that means, lots and lots of pre-shift and post-shift meetings, erratic schedule and stressful/clueless agents. I think it'd be a challenge adjusting to the shifting schedules almost every week but I think I can handle it. Effective last night, I transitioned from 2am to 12midnight (for now).

I'd just like to express how painful it was to say goodbye to doing side-by-side and remote evals for my old team. I'd miss screaming at them when they're too rowdy during the meetings, the annoyance when they don't follow my rules with their maint forms, the being proud or frustrated with their quality, my being pissed off with their ABSENTEEISM, etc, etc. They made me cry last time when they told me they'd outcast me since I'm no longer part of the team but I cried even harder with their replies to my semi-farewell text message. We'd be on the same floor but then I'll be too pre-occupied to laugh at their crazy antics. Sigh. The sacrifices we have to make to move up..

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"Yaya, You're Such a Loser!"

I had to take a bath early today bcoz my bf said we'll go to the car shop to get some more stuff only to sit here and wait until his brother decides to wake up. Ugh! I thought we had to accompany the latter's moronic girlfriend in her nth attempt to be hired in a call center. Did I ever mention how I hated this girl? A typical probinsyana who I would have gladly helped if not for the fact that she's a trying hard cosmo girl who doesn't even know how to spell ENTRANCE - she spells it out as INtrance. She came here with a few thousand with intentions to finish school in USJR. I mean, how in the world can she survive with only her savings from being a pharmacy assistant with food, fare and tuition fee to worry about? I don't want to be mean and I had every intention to help her out of pity at first but she's been really, really, really annoying. She converse in broken english almost anywhere. Last time we were in SM, I made a crane origami while she, my bf and his bro were talking, to avoid laughing at her bad attempt to sound profound. My very kind bf gave her the crane and while she's HOLDING IT she asked, "What's that?" I had to pinch myself to avoid making any comments. I told her "it's a crane" and she gave me this blank stare and said, "ha?" I said again, "a crane" - still the blank stare. Then annoyed I blurted out, "crane.. langgam bah!" and that was when she smiled and said.. "aaahhh.." My God! Dili ko libakera pero iyang nawong nang invite jd og libak! I can no longer count the times she embarassed herself unconsciously not only with me and my/her bf's sister around but also with our friends. According to my bf, one time while talking about a posh resto somewhere in Banilad, out of nowhere she asked, "tag pila ang serving didto?" They diverted the convo and instead talked about free drinks in call centers. I don't know why she really feel the need to butt in.. she said, "bitaw noh, pati mga applicants libre drinksES" and that was not a joke for her! Seryoso cya! Ginoo ko mamatay ko niya! If she's not trying hard and annoying, I would have found it funny pro makasapot najd cya. Seriously, you wouldn't want to be near her! And take that from me na taas pasencya sa ing.ana.. Well of course, it's different when I'm in the office and I'm listening to my agents, hehehehe.Ü

She's been out of school for about 2 months now and my bf was shocked to see her with a big bag yesterday and we all think she'd probably stay here at their house for the meantime while looking for a job though Ryan's bro haven't said anything yet. Whenever I'd sleep over here, I'd put my bag in one room and arrange my things neatly in one place. Last time, Lyn2x was shocked to see her clothes hanging neatly in one of the family's cabinet, and one bag in each room. Kapal kaayo! I've been sleeping over for 3 years and I've never even thought about that. To think wala pa cla 1 year. Unsa ka baga'g nawong!

What I don't understand is why she's desperate about working in a call center! If not for the fact that I respect my bf's brother, I'd really walk up to her and tell her she's wishing for snow in hell. She's good with numbers and I asked Ryan to tell his bro I recommend she try applying in SM maybe as a cashier. You know, start small. But we just respect her bf a lot that's why we keep this to ourselves. I just hope she doesn't get into my nerves too much or I might just tell her off. She called my bf's sister one time to ask for the qualifications in Western Wats and the latter said, "ahh strikto na cla sa grammar and diction.." to that she replied, "ahhh diction, mao na ang synonym noh?" D ka malain?! While we were watching Sex and the City movie, she continuously commented about anything and everything much to me and their sister's annoyance. Then I asked her, "have you watched any of the episodes?" and she replied, "wala" Worse, she started talking about the movies she had seen. Samok jd kaayo cya. I mean, if naa pa na cya remote, akng na cya patyon! Pag fiesta, while jamming with the guests, she was singing at the top of her lungs, "perhaps love is like a RISTING PLEASE.." Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh! I don't even know why I'm wasting my time and blogspace talking about her.. I secretly hope she reads this 'coz I know she wouldn't dare confront me anyway. Sigh. Lyn2x, the sister, asked her bestie to sleep over and the first thing she asked, "mao na inyong maid?" Loser kaayo noh? Please just let me rant. Kay gsapot jd ko pag ayo rn! She got in the Call Center Academy and is very proud to have been a trainee for a 100-hour chuva. A friend who used to teach there said, "Clau, kung didto ka m.work, manglabay jd ka'g bangko ky pathetic kaayo mga tawo didto" and yes indeed, pathetic kaayo cya and annoying at the same time. One time, she was doing something with her nails and she asked with this clueless look, "naa kaha Dell na account diri Cebu noh?" and my bf said, "Dell bitaw ko.." and she was like "HA?!?!?!?!" I had to pause the PSP and with usmod, I asked - "ngano naa kay kaila sa Dell?" and she said "wala.. naay outbound?" I really think she compiled all the words related to call centers to make her sound knowledgeable about the industry. Ay ambot nalng, kapoy na type. Gsapot pajd ko! Undangan na ni nako woi! Bwisit cya!

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Good Luck, Trainer..

We had our company christmas party last Saturday at CICC and unfortunately, I was so tired from work that I forgot about my digicam. The pictures I have were taken at Elaine's place. Her friend Bienne took care of our hair and make-up and he happens to be a former team8 from PS. I was just so exhausted coming to work at 1.30am and logging off at 11.30am, going home to take a bath and went to the parlor to meet-up with Charie for manicure-pedicure with heavy rain pour. Then on to Elaine's place where we waited until the former, Jeff and Yuan got all dolled up. Charie and I arrived at CICC almost 7pm already - tired and hungry. I think the party was a bore.. Without some of the nice broadway performances, Yuan's winning the Elle Award and the picture-taking after the party, I wouldn't be excited to see the pictures... I guess I didn't enjoy it as much as the others, because I was sooo sleepy. Anyways.. The company gave away lots and lots of hams and canned goods and cheese. Most of us came back to get more and they didn't mind. I gave one package to my landlady and the rest here at Ryan's house. And a couple of hours ago, I cooked my first meaty spaghetti. Thanks to ePerformax for the free ingredients! LOL!

Tomorrow night we'll have a team training and I can't wait for us to get together for 4 days of fun and learnings. I wish the trainer (I'm not yet sure who) can read this --> I strongly suggest you get yourself some aspirin. My team is unbelievably rowdy and noisy. As in, pwerte jd ka mga sipat! And I'm not saying that only because it's my team and it's human nature that we should be proud of it, but if I had been in another team, I'd say exactly the same to this group. When I started with them, there were 4 gays and 4 lesbians, 2 niggah's (Ken and Charie) and the rest were girls with attitudes. Now I only have 2 gays, 2 lesbians, 1 niggah, 3 guys, 4 preggy (d ko m.saba kinsa ang usa, hahahahahaha!) and 6 girls - of course, me and their coach Socie. But with Yuan and Rhiza alone... with their unforgiving insults towards Charie.. the trainer will have a hard time taming the group. Good luck, trainer!

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Human Tetris

Can anything be harder than this? Crazy and funny! Search YouTube for more.

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My New Crib

I finally found a new place and I'm loving it! It was very exhausting but my bf and I was able to move everything out of my old pad and on to my new place in less than an hour. It's a 7-minute walk away from the office and I'm very excited about adding a few more accents in the room to make it more "home-y" like bean bags probably 'coz the room is very spacious. I was planning on sleeping Japanese style but they still don't have a place to dump the ugly bed. My landlady is Ilongga. And Ryan is very happy about the fact that she does not allow smoking (her hubby passed away March this year due to lung cancer - their previous business was poultry so that could have been one of the reason also). Here are some of the pictures..

I don't know if this is for long but Ryan and I share the same RD now. That means more quality time, hehehehe. But I don't know where he is right now. I'm alone watching random videos in YouTube yet again. I think I stink already so I'll take a bath now. By the way, to those waiting for the new pix and videos.. I've already uploaded it in Multiply. Click HERE.

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Anxiety Attack

It's 03:30am. At 6am I'll have the manager's certification which our company calls TIER/IETR. T for Teach, I for Interact, E for Evaluate and R for Review. I'm confident I can do it but I still have a few things that I'm nervous about. I've heard a lot of manager's on the floor have cried because of brat and kulit trainers who'd really give you a hard time. I feel like taking a dump and I want to go to the restroom to throw up and I want to pee every 5 minutes. I think I'm halfway thru one pack of Marlboro. I've read the material at least a hundred times and I'm still nervous. Same feeling when I had my thesis defense.. when we faced our previous CEO for a meeting.. same feeling when I was waiting for the confirmation of a closed deal. Aaarrrggghhh! I can do this! Hahahahahaha!

I'm supposed to do side-by-side evaluations today but I'll wait until I'm done with my certification. I left Coach Soc to take care of the team while I deal with my cold feet. I wonder now how the team is doing with QA Clau not around, hehehehe. Modesty aside, they call me for everything. Be it an escalation, a question or they just wanted to talk while waiting for the next call. Geez, I don't like this feeling. I wish I can pull the time so I can get this over and done with.

Tomorrow would be a day of celebration. Pau and Gen's birthday celebration and hopefully my certification.. I still have to drop by the place I heard have rooms for rent before I go to Ayala to buy my contribution to the party. I know we'll have a blast later. Earlier, me and my agents met up for some eating and shopping at SM and I brought along Ryan's sister 'coz I know she's bored as hell at their house while waiting for her papers to be processed so she can fulfill her dream of working abroad as a nurse. Too bad Ryan came too early so I had to leave them. Guys, wait for the pix.. I forgot to upload it earlier. I wasn't even able to sleep well because of this darn certification. I gotta go. I need more cigs! Wish me luck!

--> It's now 07:30am. It's over. I was certified with good feedback.Ü Me happy!

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Yadayadayada..

I could talk about the pain in the ass loser in the office who seems to be making me the scapegoat of his mediocrity but it's a waste of time. Sooo... Let's talk about pleasant things.Ü Ryan got himself a 19" flatscreen monitor and I'm loving it! With his savings all drained out because of the car repair and his other computer must-have's, I wonder if it's gonna be a merry xmas..

Yesterday I went house hunting with Pau (my previous rep, now a SME or subject matter expert) and Rhiza d tomboy (still my agent). I want to move to a cheaper place because I'm never home nowadays. I usually hang out at any of my agents' place or here at Ryan's. We were unlucky though. If it's a "no vacancy", it's "ladies only" and I don't like it - 'coz I can't afford to be in a place that would not allow my bf inside my room. That's just wrong, if you know what I mean. I'm getting desperate. It's been 3 months of putting it off and I really, really need to move out before the 31st so I need not pay for next month. I'll try again and if there's none by the 29th, then I guess I'll have wait until new year to move out. Sigh.

I'm still waiting for sleep to come and I found myself looking for baby videos again. I found this instead. She's now 7 years old - Connie Talbot. Same sweet voice but not as baby as she was first seen in Britain's Got Talent. She still gives me goosebumps when she sings. Here she is in her US Debut at the Ellen Degeneres Show with grown front teeth. Kyuuuuut!

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For now..

I've been trying to look for Soc's profile with hopes that I can download the other pictures of our Dalaguete trip. I finally found my way to her multiply page and no pictures (yet, I hope) but after reading some of her blogs, I think I can now look at her not as a coach and team partner but as a person. I love her for her sweet blog about the team. I loved it! Read it HERE.

The one you'll read below is also one of her blog entries. If I wasn't pre-occupied with my loss at that time, I would have written something like this. Although it may not be as beautiful..

losing my first love
this is a repost from my old blog, the original entry of the same title dated 12-22-05.

i couldn't remember the date when we first met. but the scenes are still very vivid in my mind .
you have been anticipating our arrival. yeah , my sister was with me that day , and we were to spend the whole summer in your place . i was excited and nervous at the same time because i heard a lot of things about you . then our eyes met, you had a good tan and they said its because of the long hours of swimming in the beach just a few meters away . the look in your face struck me , there was compassion , you seemed at lost for words , your eyes said so much that i cant even start to comprehend .
you were sitting beside the millstone and as i slowly inched my way to you, the serenity of your face was broken by the huge smile and you hugged me. yes you did . you hugged me real tight it hurts.
" im sorry this has to happen to you, don't worry , even if he left you , i will always be here . . ." and you cant go on , your voice was choked with tears , and maybe you forgot, but you were still hugging me and i almost cried , you havent realized your hugging me too tight it hurts ! i was almost out of air.
you're a man of medium build , they said you used to be very tall and strong until the last stroke you suffered . but it never mattered to me . i am convinced i am in love . i was 9 years old and i fell deeply in love with you . i told myself , even if i my father left us , its fine , i got you and i'm content .
i accompany you every sunday to church and everybody would glance our way , maybe because it's the first time they saw me , having been born and raised in the city.
we would hold each other's hand and i find it funny that i'm walking a little bit faster than you do .
i missed those days.
that year was especially difficult for all of us. for months you stayed in the hospital, but as usual you never lost your humor inspite of the pain and frustration you were going thru . it was painful to see you lie in bed the whole time and not see the clouds or feel the cool sea wind that you used to enjoy. you can't take pleasure in the seawater anymore and it really makes us all sad that you cant do the thing you've always loved to do - swimming, but we still had a grand time talking. you were a great storyteller. well, you've always been . and we all loved you for it.

and how can i forget? it was two years ago today when you finally said farewell to the world who had been so generous yet cruel to you . I couldn't forget how i cried when you were finally laid to rest knowing that i won't be able to see you for the rest of my life. Knowing the heavens would be wide open when you get there, is my only consolation . the world is just so unfortuante to lose you. and heaven is now more heavenly because you're there.

i just want to tell you how sorry i am for not being there with the rest of your grandchildren on this very special day .

i love you Lolo. you know how much i love you . i always will.

From my blogsite.. Friday, December 28, 2007
Yesterday was our family's mass for our Lolo who passed away a little over a year ago. It's called Hukas Lalaw, if my memory serves me right. I have the pictures on my camera and they're all candid. I might post them sometime soon. Everybody was sad and it's evident on the pictures but it was because we all miss him and wish he was there with us. To see us all happy and enjoying our youngest cousin's tantrums. I have a lot of fond memories of my Lolo and everything that I felt back then are all on my journal which I avoid reading. I cried my heart out back then and I'd cry basically anywhere. It still makes me cry to this day. That's why I have to end this now or I might embarass myself amidst these rugrats playing online games.

If not for the fact that I'm at Ryan's place, I'd probably curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep. But it's too embarrassing. I shed a tear and that's all. For now..

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Embarrassing Me..

Here I am again in Ryan's computer room updating my online networking pages while waiting for him to come back home [his mom asked him to do something] and I decided to read my older blogs and I'm a little embarassed about some of the things I've said. I hated how confident I was about GR and how we can be fuckin' rock stars and eventually blogging about the closure of the company and how our homophobic/asshole/control-freak/bi-polar ex-boss ruined our once semi-organized lives. I still blog about non-sense things but I honestly think I was worse a few months back. Now that it's done, I realized my blogs about American Idol were really annoying. Ryan, you were right about temporarily removing me from your contact list, LOL. I would have done the same thing. New year is still over a month away but I firmly resolve [murag confession..] that I'll keep my worthless ideas to myself, hahahahaha! Maybe I was wrong about throwing away my journal and using it as a notebook for training. Oh, and one more thing.. I had sooo much petiks time back then to blog because there were times that I don't feel like being a rock star [sa mga kasabot lang..] Ü Ok, I'll stop now 'coz I feel I'm being non-sense again. One thing I can't stop doing though is sharing baby videos. Watch this cute baby..

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Whew!

Finally, this site is up again. I've been posting my blogs in Multiply eversince I had a problem with blogspot not posting my new entries. I've always posted here and put parts of it in Multiply, directing them to this site. The good thing about Multiply though is most of my friends have set-up an account there and so my posts are easily seen and read, thus the comments. But I still love this space more 'coz I had set it up myself and I gave more effort editing the widgets and all to my liking. Problem though is, I haven't had much time nowadays to blog. We don't have access to anything in the office except work-related sites. And even if I was once a TRON, my powers are not enough to penetrate the IT restrictions in the office, hehehehe. Besides, I don't think I stand a chance. It's a financial account, i.e. credit cards, so security is on top of everything.

Friendster was down. Most of my friends said their friends' list was wiped out. I just logged in and everything's the same. I guess they've fixed it.

So wha's up with me? Check the pix and videos HERE to know what I've been up to lately. I enjoy my current job. It's pretty stressful with the deliverables and all but my agents' craziness takes away my worries. I don't think an hour would pass by each working day that we're not laughing and insulting each other. Most of them are in the hospital these past few days. I don't know what exactly is going on but I can only hope I don't get the virus. Other than work... Last Nov. 12 was Ryan's birthday. Nov. 15 was my father's birthday. Today's is Vanessa's birthday. Lots of birthdays, LOL.

I'm currently in Ryan's computer room. I've been here for about an hour already. I came here yesterday with him. I was supposed to go back to the city last night for some partying with my agents but I completely forgot about it and I dozed off. Ryan woke me up at 11PM with a call from them and all I heard were curses and how they'd kick my ass if I don't come. Aren't they adorable? I said I'll tell Ryan and I'll just text them. But I dozed off again and when I called them back at around 4AM, most of them were already drunk so I just told them we'll plan our next team building and I'll make sure I can come. Contrary to what most people think, my boyfriend doesn't stop me from going out with my friends. He's okay with everything except my smoking. So team, stop blaming him. If I say I'm not coming, it's my decision. I gotta go now. I have to take a bath. He's on his way home from work. Ciao!

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Glogster

Me and my langga. If you care, the bigger version is HERE.

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Ka Kyuuut!!!

Do you remember Connie Talbot of Britain's Got Talent? Well, their american counterpart had one just like her. Equally cute and talented.. Meet, Kaitlyn Asley Maher. And she made me cry too.. =(

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Tsk tsk tsk..

It's past 10am, I'm sweating and I think I stink a little.. plus I have my period but I don't feel like taking a bath. Not yet. Gross.. I know.. I'm still waiting for him to come home. I wonder why he's late today.

I was browsing thru my friends' profile in Friendster. Most of them are in the health care industry. My mom wanted me to be a doctor or even just a nurse. When I was younger, I wanted to. But when I got older, I think I can't stand looking at surgeries live. Just last week, I rushed one of my agents to the hospital. What I thought was a simple case of amoebiasis (I hope my spelling is right) turned out to be a bad case of a bleeding kidney. Since we were stationed so far away from the main door of the ops floor, it took awhile for the guard to locate me and I even laughed thinking he was floor-walking. He said my agent is stuck in the restroom and is crying. The janitress who heard her call from inside the restroom was quick to pass the distress call to operations. I found my agent locked in a cubicle, crying and shouting in pain. The new Ilonggo nurse immediately arranged the van, the health provider and all that's needed to confine the agent. I was fine until I came back in the office and realized my trauma of going to the emergency room hit me. I felt all energy abandon my body and they said I was "luspad". Thoughts of the doctor and nurses trying to revive my Lolo about 4 years ago flashed before me.

It's now past 12noon.. I took a bath and now I'm hungry. He's taking a bath. We're both sleepy. I'm debating with myself whether I'd delete or publish this. You're crazy if you're still reading. I'm playing with the keyboard. I can type 55 words per minute without looking at the keyboard according to one online speed typing test site. He's back and he's reading while scratching his butt. I gotta go. This is so non-sense. Why are you still reading?Ü

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Missing TLC..

Casuy's father passed away and it was a gloomy day for my high school barkada. More than that, it was so sad that I wasn't able to go home to pay my last respect to Tito who's one of the coolest dad in our batch. He's always the one offering me cigarettes and beer knowing I'm the only girl in the group who's very open with my bisyo.. Casuy was a good friend since grade school. He was my debut's escort. My manong. My drinking partner. And the same guy who sent me money to spend for one of my vacation back home and the one who took care of me when I was jobless for a month. It sucks that he came home from the States, albeit to bury his dad, and I wasn't there. The pictures they posted was supposedly to cheer me up but it makes me want to kill myself. No more cake and food tripping with them. No more videoke and drinking sessions. Ever since I made myself a life here in Cebu, it seems I've distanced myself from the group. I'm so depressed right now that I want to kill them all! How I wish I could just go on leave and have the money to go home in a heartbeat.. I'll just sleep so I could stop crying..

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