Don't Read This.. It's Boring and I'm Just Ranting..

I wonder why every time it rains I feel the need to blog. I think it is because, I've left with nothing to do but rant in my head and put it into writing. It's the last day of my off. At 02:30am later, I'll be back to the noisy and crowded place I call my office. Ryan will go to Bohol tomorrow and he'll be gone for 4 days. I wonder what I'd do when I've been used to spending the afternoon with him.. The raindrops make me really sleepy.. I refuse to sleep though.. 'coz then I'll get up early tonight and I'd be up for more hours by the time I get out of the office tomorrow.

It's been a few days without cigs. It's rainy days like today that I regret having promised him I'd quit. I think I'll drug his sister, cousin and grandma so I can sneak out and smoke.. They've been given strict instructions to look after me while he's at work. I used to hide my sticks in my kikay kit, 'coz that's one place he doesn't look into. But his sister does. I know.. it sucks! If you ask me, I'm not sure if this is for good. Nobody stops me at work and temptation is everywhere..

HOME

Damn Boring!

So this is what it feels like to stay at home all day long waiting for your partner to come home. Damn boring! After sitting in front of the pc for 3 straight hours, watching non-sense youtube videos, I realized I'll never be like my mom. I will never be domesticated by a man! I feel stupid sitting here waiting for him to come home at around 2pm, holding and smelling the shirt he wore last night. I'm never the person who would be excited to go to work but I'm now wishing I could pull the time so I can go back to my pad and live my normal life. For the past 6 months, I've been spending my rest days here at his house 'coz he knows I'm embarassed to smoke with his family around the house. My team thinks I'm a kj 'coz I'd always refuse if they make plans to "kuray". One time I told them, "if you have met me 2-3 years ago, you wouldn't say that.." I've been trying to stay at home or be with him as often as I can 'coz I'D REALLY LOVE TO BREAK OFF WITH MARLBORO!

I've been caught smoking more than once since February (my original deadline) and I've charmed my way out of confrontation all the time. The last one was a li'l scary. He's very convinced I haven't had a stick for the last 2 weeks. I had a fever coupled with a phlegm-y cough ('til now) and he was certain it was part of the "withdrawal" when it was really because of stress. Then me, the ogob ng ganda forgot that he has a dupe of my key, failed to tuck away the ashtray full of butts at the back of the TV where I've proven he wouldn't see, got caught for the nth time. He was so upset and I think that if I get caught one more time, he'd leave me. So I swore - again - that I'll quit and I said I'm sorry and he said okay.

I'm giving myself a pat on the back for being able to fight my cravings for the last 4 days and 3 nights! So there.. The smoking, I can handle.. The staying at home part (there are plans already about "the future" but I still don't want to share it - puera jinx! lol) .. that I still have to think about..

HOME

Is it? In a mini-bar? Nah. But it's a pretty good start for this weekend. Exactly a month ago, I got into an agreement with my BF that I'll quit smoking a month after. So... can I do it? I dunno, bro! I hope I can. But this "training" will probably take longer than the planned "few hours" and beer isn't beer without cigarettes. For me, at least. We talked Jan. 02 at 9pm so technically, I still have 12 hours before I have to quit. Holy crap! Anyway, HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYONE!

HOME

Healthy Living

I wonder what my mom would say if she knows I'm not eating the food she would likely prepare for me if I'm still living with them.. She knows I smoke. I was forced to confess almost two years ago when I went home for a few days of vacation. I woke up and my dad handed me a cup of hot, fresh-brewed coffee. I thought it'd be stupid to have coffee in the restroom so I sat at the garden, fidgeting. Papa asked me what's wrong and I almost whispered with puppy eyes, "can I smoke?".. he looked at me surprised and said, "you smoke?" - I nodded. He stared at me for a minute and finally said, "go ahead, you're old enough and it's your money anyway.." Whew! I was also able to convince him to allow my brother to smoke openly since they already know he secretly does, usually after dinner at our friend's house on the other block. Everytime I'd be home, Mama would complain about the smell of cigarette and I try as much as possible to smoke outside but sometimes I can't help it, especially if I'm watching TV. Anyway, my parents, uncles and aunts are all excellent cooks. I dunno if being Ilonggo have something to do with it but I miss their cooking [I came here early 'coz Ryan brought food. His mom is Ilonggo, hehehehe.]. Since I moved here in Cebu, I have to be contented with ready-to-cook or fast foods. It's pretty amazing that I'm still healthy [if you know what I mean]. I lost weight two years ago and my Lola asked me if I was into drugs. Uhhh - I tried in college. I guess I was still adjusting to the food here in Cebu. Whenever I'd go home and I gain weight, they'd tell me I'm not controlling my food intake. I honestly dunno what to do. I'd like to think I neither lost nor gained weight since my February vacation. I'll find out because for the first time in 3 years, I'll be home for Christmas and New Year. I'll be leaving come December 22 and be back January 2 with the Bacolod peeps here in the office. It sucks 'coz the ticket is so expensive. Ugh. But it's better than taking a standing room, non-aircon bus like the one I took two years ago. I had to pretend I'm pregnant and suffer 6 hours of not smoking to make my alibi more convincing just so I can sit. I have to stop. I think I'm talking non-sense.

HOME

Are You Drugs?

Coffee and cigarettes - heaven. So perfect together like Shrek and Fiona. Rain on a working night - hell. It makes me wanna crawl under the sheets and wait for sleep to come while listening to raindrops. But, this job feeds my materialistic persona so..

Yesterday, a friend gave me the link for the blog of Inday. I previously dedicated an entire entry about her and just when I thought people grew tired of hearing stories about her, she went online. The stories are cheesy. It makes me wanna puke. Anyway, I found this old email. This is how we used to think maids like Inday would talk. For those who haven't read this yet.. Enjoy!

GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH? TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,CONGRATULATIONS!!..:)
The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls read with feelings...

October 1996

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that. And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Marie Chan? Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you lookto us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.

ARE YOU DRUGS?!

HOME

Addiction

Coffee.. Cigarettes.. My addictions.. Must haves.. No matter what they say, I just can't seem to get it out of my system. Masarap ang bawal, they say. Some people hangs around coffee shops for hours trying very hard to look good with cigarettes they don't even know how to puff right. I've been working graveyard for the last 3 years and 4 months plus I've been an insomiac for as long as I can remember. I just don't like coffee, I need it. So Mama, stop telling me not to drink too much coffee.. I was compiling my receipts for the month of October for our liquidation and as expected, most of them are from where else? Coffee shops.

I'm pissed. I've accidentally deleted all the videos of my siblings, my baby cousin Cybill, even my grandpa's burial. I slept at about 10am and didn't have anything to do when I woke up at 2pm so I decided to transfer some of my files from my memory card to another. I don't have the patience to tell you exactly how it happened but I'm sooo stupid. Note to self: don't mess around anything you deem important when you're sleepy. Not to be tempted to bang my head on the wall, I came here at the office at 4pm to have a good time with the research team. It's now 10pm. Shift ends at 9am. 11 hours left. The coffee I made myself earlier wasn't good enough. Good thing Ryan is a coffee addict too. We just came back from Coffee Dream to grab a cappucino but I have a feeling this cup won't be the last for today. It's just too bad that I'm the office's official photographer for sleepy heads.. I will not be able to catch forty winks else they'll get a second chance to snap a picture of me sleeping. Sigh.

---> It's already 05:10 a.m. and I'll be leaving in awhile. I have a throbbing headache and it's killing me. Today's one of those days when even a few cups of coffee just won't do. Have a nice weekend everybody![assuming there are people who are too bored to read my blogs... hihihihi..Ü]

HOME