Are You Drugs?

Coffee and cigarettes - heaven. So perfect together like Shrek and Fiona. Rain on a working night - hell. It makes me wanna crawl under the sheets and wait for sleep to come while listening to raindrops. But, this job feeds my materialistic persona so..

Yesterday, a friend gave me the link for the blog of Inday. I previously dedicated an entire entry about her and just when I thought people grew tired of hearing stories about her, she went online. The stories are cheesy. It makes me wanna puke. Anyway, I found this old email. This is how we used to think maids like Inday would talk. For those who haven't read this yet.. Enjoy!

GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH? TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,CONGRATULATIONS!!..:)
The following is a letter found at a certain bar in Manila and has been preserved in its original, unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls read with feelings...

October 1996

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that. And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very very, very fat body. But you hate it. Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about. What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Marie Chan? Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the right to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I don't have any other choice but to call you other different name to. Like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I am the more sexier than you when you lookto us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me. There you go.

ARE YOU DRUGS?!

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The! Letter of the Year - Part 1

A broadcast text message woke me up 4pm yesterday informing us of 7:30pm meeting at our CEO's house. I thought we'd get another lambasting but we had dinner instead. Meeting was about our handbook and an open forum regarding our office concerns. It's already 3:22am and everybody seems to be sleepy. I wonder if we'd still be required to stay until 9am. If that's the case, I bet my 10 fingers I'd only see about four people awake by 7am.

I previously posted a funny newspaper article [Letter of the Year]. Apparently, that was already the second part. Below is the first part. Enjoy!

THE! [That's actually Duh!]

We' ve been friends for a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realized that beauty is in the eyes. The pulpbits of my heart went fast, really fast. Cute pala siya. And then, he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I get your number?" Nag-worry ako. What if he doesn't give it back? He explained naman na it's so we could keep intact daw. Sabi ko, connect me if i'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? Nabigla siya. Sagot niya, The! Aba! Parang siya pa ang galit! Persona ingrata!!! Ang kapal niya! I cried buckles of tears.

Na-guilty yata siya. Sabi niya, isipin mo na lang na this is a blessing in the sky. Irregardless daw of his feelings, we'll go ouch na rin. Now, we're so in love. Mute and epidemic na ang past. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. Kasi, I'm 33 na and I'm running our time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you marriage me?" I'm in a state of shocked. Kasi mantakin mo, when it rains, it's four! This is true good to be true. So siyempre, I said yes. Love is a many splendor.

Pero nung inaayos ko na ang aming kasal, everything swell to pieces. Nag-di-dinner kami noon nang biglang sa harap ng aming table, may babaeng humirit ng, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss! The nerd ng babaeng yon! She said they were still on. So I told her, whatever is that, cut me some slacks! I didn't want this to get our hand kaya I had to sip it in the bud. She accused me of steeling her boyfriend. Ats if! I don't want to portrait the role of the other woman. Gosh, tell me to the marines! I told her, "please, mine you own business!" Who would believe her anyway?

Dahil it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore, tumigil na rin siya ng panggugulo. Everything is coming up daisies. I'm so happy. Even my boyfriend said liketwice. He's so supportive. Sabi niya, "Look at is this way. She's our of our lives."

Kaya advise ko sa inyo - take the risk. You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, we'll just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

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Letter of the Year

Got this from my friends' multiply account and found it very entertaining. This was allegedly from a newspaper. Read on and enjoy!

I thought Jay's ex-girlfriend was really out of our lives. But heaven only goes that I was wrong.
Kakakasal pa lang namin nun when Jay received a unanimous text. "Meet me at the clinic." I had a stinking feeling in my butt. I told him not to go.
Pero sabi nya, ok lang daw because life is what we make. Tumahimik lang ako. Sabi nya, "penny for you talks." But i didn't know what to say.
Beggars can't be losers. Isa pa, worried talaga ako na baka yung girl yun.
Jay said, "Can't got your tongue?" I tried to smile at him. Kahit di ako nagsalita, actions speak louder than works, di ba?
Be that as is may, umalis pa rin sya. I was out of the loophole. After a few hours, I called him on his cellphone. But my calls fell on Jeff's ears.
Lalo akong nag-worry kasi I didn't even know Jeff. Sabi na nga ba di na dapat umalis si Jay. That's what I'm talking about it.
So I tried calling some friends who will help me find Jay. That's what friends are for naman di ba? But i just faced a blank mall.
I had to do this alone. Nag-taxi na lang ako. Pero ang mahal na pala ng plug down rate.
When i got to the clinic, the security was really buffed up. Di basta-basta makakapasok. So i said, "I beg your cordon. I'm patient." It's my favorite virtue nga e.
Nagduda yata yung isang guard. Hinawakan ako sa arm. The nerd! I shouted, "Don't touch me not!" Buti na lang the other guards were nice and said, "Come on, let's join us."
When i went inside parang I've been there, done there. Nung walang nakatingin, nag explore ako. Nakarating ako sa top floor and i had a bird's IQ of the clinic.
I could not explain it but i was drawn to a room on the floor. Siguro Divine Intermission na yun.
Parang may naririnig akong umuungol. I was thorn. Di ko alam kung aalis ba ako o papasukin ko.
It made me stick in the stomach to think that Jay and his ex-girlfriend were there. I tried to tell myself to slower my expectations.
But to tell with it! I had to strike while the iron is not. I had to hear the truth from the corpse's mouth. I baragged in.
Omy gas! Si Jay, naka-strap sa operating table, parang genie pig sa isang nakakatakot na experiment. He was on the cutting edge. He was bleeding.
At ang doctor na nagpapahirap sa kanya, ang ex-girlfriend nya at ang bago nitong boyfriend, ang nurse na si Walter. Doon ko napatunayang blood is thickier than Walter.
Guess watch? Di ko alam kung paano ko nagawa pero i was able to search and rescue Jay. Siguro adrenaline brush na yun.
Now, he's recovering. Nag-sorry siya na hindi siya nakinig sa akin.
I know it's a better pill to swallow your pride so it's forgive and forget me not. All swell that end swell. I know we should kiss and put on makeup.
Ang ex-girlfriend naman niya at si Walter, nakakulong na. Detention is really better than cure. So the moral of the lesson is: if symptoms persist, insult your doctor.

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