I wonder why I don't feel anything special now that I'm finally in a relationship. I mean I'm happy.. but I've always been despite my life's drama. My previous [and first] relationship had been unusual. This one started the same. A friends with benefits set-up. When I realized that I was in-love with my semi-ex, all I can think of was how different it would be if we'd take our relationship to the next level. Same with this. Now.. after all the waiting, I finally have somebody to call my boyfriend yet I don't feel anything special. Maybe because we've said we love each other quite a few times in the past [the first time was sweet though..Ü] and the only thing that has changed now is that we openly say it and as often as we could. We still hurt and curse each other [playfully].. and we still fart at each other's faces. I still can comfortably pee with the restroom's door open. I can burp or snore as loudly as I can without worrying I might turn him off. Nothing.. nothing's changed. Or maybe because we're abnormal. Most couples takes away inhibitions only after they've commenced [wow, deep.. LOL I can't think of any other word] the relationship.
I've detested commitment before because I felt there's a big difference between "can I" and "I will". Do you get what I mean? It's different when you tell the other person that you're going somewhere with whoever rather than asking permission. Back in college, whenever my semi-ex disagrees when I tell him what I'm gonna do, where and who I'm gonna be with.. 90% of the time I say "who the fuck do you think you are?! my parents said yes, so who are you to stop me?!"
Eventually, I realized I needed somebody to help me run my life. Not in the same way that my mom or my friends would. And because I fuckin' agreed to be attached, I only have until February 2 to quit smoking. Good luck Claudine!
Hmmm.. I really don't know what I'm getting at or what I'm talking about. I just felt like blogging about this passing thought. But in case my BF [ugh, so awkward!] reads this, don't get me wrong.. I'm happy! I just wish we had decided on this sooner so I experienced what I'd only read or heard about. I've never experienced courtship. Wooing to get laid, yes! Stupid me jumps right into bed. But then again, I guess this is better.. 'coz by now, I know him so well and our being officially together is just the frosting on the cake. So mushy.. but true. And contradicting? Been here in the office for 13 hours, I need to get some sleep.
HOME
I've detested commitment before because I felt there's a big difference between "can I" and "I will". Do you get what I mean? It's different when you tell the other person that you're going somewhere with whoever rather than asking permission. Back in college, whenever my semi-ex disagrees when I tell him what I'm gonna do, where and who I'm gonna be with.. 90% of the time I say "who the fuck do you think you are?! my parents said yes, so who are you to stop me?!"
Eventually, I realized I needed somebody to help me run my life. Not in the same way that my mom or my friends would. And because I fuckin' agreed to be attached, I only have until February 2 to quit smoking. Good luck Claudine!
Hmmm.. I really don't know what I'm getting at or what I'm talking about. I just felt like blogging about this passing thought. But in case my BF [ugh, so awkward!] reads this, don't get me wrong.. I'm happy! I just wish we had decided on this sooner so I experienced what I'd only read or heard about. I've never experienced courtship. Wooing to get laid, yes! Stupid me jumps right into bed. But then again, I guess this is better.. 'coz by now, I know him so well and our being officially together is just the frosting on the cake. So mushy.. but true. And contradicting? Been here in the office for 13 hours, I need to get some sleep.
HOME
No comments:
Post a Comment